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  • Writer's pictureSummers Family Law

The Spy Who Loved Me: How Digital Snooping Can Destroy Trust

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Without it, a partnership crumbles. That's why I'm increasingly concerned by clients who snoop through their spouse's phone, computer, or online activity without permission. They think digital spying will provide peace of mind, but it often does the opposite by eroding trust.


As a divorce attorney, I've seen how toxic suspicion can poison relationships. Clients justify breaching their partner's privacy by saying they want to uncover "the truth." But relationships aren't courtrooms — we don't put loved ones on trial or require hard proof of fidelity. Instead, commitment depends on faith.


If you suspect your spouse is cheating or hiding something, then communicate openly about your concerns. Don't sneak around monitoring their digital footprint. Spying suggests you view your partner as the enemy, when you both should be on the same team.


And even if you do find incriminating evidence by spying, then what? The damage is done. The trust is broken. Any confession or apology that follows will be tainted by the knowledge that your spouse betrayed your privacy. There's no easy path back from that.


I'm not saying to ignore genuine red flags in a relationship. But if you've reached the point of wanting to digitally surveil your partner, then it's time for a direct conversation about your relationship, not cyber subterfuge. Talk honestly about your feelings and give your partner a chance to respond.


However, if mistrust and suspicion overwhelms the relationship, then counseling or divorce may be the right path forward, as difficult as that choice can be. But spying on a spouse often makes things worse. It turns partners into enemies, corroding the trust that healthy relationships need to survive. If you value your commitment, then value privacy too. Don't digitally spy. Keep trust, or walk away with dignity.


Disclaimer: The content provided in this blog is for informational and educational purposes only. It should not be construed as legal advice and readers should not act upon any information provided without seeking professional legal counsel. The author does not guarantee the completeness or accuracy of the information provided. This blog is not intended to create an attorney-client relationship between the author and the reader.

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